Folded Smile

My folded smile holds miles of dreams broken and wishes taken.

I am like so many more who hide their true face behind a door.

To hear the creak of that opening door will bring a fear,

that nevermore the love of one can be retained.

We all sit silent with masks upon us

waiting for a pilgrim to see beyond

One who does not mind, who sees behind

and wants to see for evermore.



For Christmas from my family I got a camera and it’s gotten me thinking about why we love taking photos so much.

Our perspective of the world and how we view it seems to us so personal that we think that we can never share it. That no one will ever understand and this scares us. We want and need someone to understand.

So we take photos, to show the world how we see things. To allow others to see into our souls.

Welcome to mine.


A small child when holding a father’s hand will look up and see her strength. The person she knows will kiss her knees when she falls over, will carry her across the big puddles and read her bedtimes stories.  As we grow though, our impression changes, we start to see their vulnerabilities, their weaknesses and we question our belief in them, in the power they had to make everything all right.

But the other day I was watching the West Wing, and The President of the United States is standing with his daughter waiting to walk her down the aisle.  The supposedly the most powerful man in the world, in tears because he is about to give his daughter away.

And it was in that moment that I saw that fathers don’t become weaker as we get older, they in fact become stronger, because they allow us to see their vulnerable side, they show us their love in a more open way and bless us by allowing us more and more into their hearts. Something that takes the most amazing strength because they know it will show they are not our knights in shinning armour anymore and that they are not perfect.

But it shows us something else, how capable of love one person can be. For in the moment when a father gives a daughter away, or any moment when a tear rolls down a fathers cheek because he is so full of pride and love he cannot express it, he is showing us that his love is more powerful than anything we can imagine and that in allowing us to see his weaknesses, he is also revealing his strength.

I love you Dad, Happy (belated) Father’s Day.

As adults we live our lives in small pieces. When we grow up most of us lose our ability to see the big picture because we are trying too hard to see the big picture.

Children instinctively know how to see what needs to be seen, but the older we get, the more our heads get filled with the monster that is knowledge.

It’s an odd monster, a monster that loves you and hates you in equal measure. Without it we would never grow, but with it we can be tainted.

With luck and sometimes by looking into our child’s heart, we can get back our ability to see the big picture again and get back what we need. And there are moments in our lives when we really need that, need to access that part of us that believes unconditionally in the Easter Bunny and in Santa Claus. The part that allows us to believe that our imaginations have power and can make our dreams come true. It takes nothing to have your blood stirred, your soul awakened to it’s true purpose.

My soul is often sat waiting for that inspiration, patiently it sits on a bench overlooking the past, peering to the future, trying to see, trying to catch the wave of illumination that will carry me to where I need to be next.

Sometimes for me it is music, songs like the one above, that connect me to source again. Sometimes it is seeing love between two people. Sometimes it is a sad scene in a movie or watching someone who still believes, who hasn’t allowed their true nature to be tainted.

More and more I endeavour to get back that feeling, to be passionate about life again. For it is in our truly passionate moments that we see how our lives are meant to be played out.

When I really want to get to that place in my soul I go to the highlands. I have been lucky enough to hear bagpipes as they are meant to be played, from a mountaintop. Nothing is more haunting and more spiritual and it is in a moment that like that, that my blood is stirred and my soul is alive.

So whatever it takes for you to feel alive, to feel that passion, I urge you to do it.  If we all took our souls to their highest place for just one hour a week, imagine what new worlds might come to pass.


If you follow the link above you will see the trailer for the 1980’s movie by John Carpenter, The Fog.  Nothing scared me more when I first watched it, in fact even now it still makes me chill.
Driving through the fog the other day I realised that it is because of our imaginations that fog scares us so.  When it swirls around us, our minds put evil and monsters in it because of what we can’t see, because we are blind to the surroundings that hold us steady in the here in now. Without familiar things to remind us where, who and what we are, we lose ourselves and our fears become pronounced.
Sometimes my life feels like that, that I’m standing in a field and the fog is sinking, covering my body, dampening my senses, grounding me in my fears. Worrying about what would happen if I put my hand out, into the fog, into the unknown?
I’m so ingrained with negative feelings that are fed from so many different areas of our world, I can’t help but think the negative thoughts, have the negative feelings, letting the fog rule my life. All those fears, all those imaginings, all in my head. But I’ve chosen it. I choose to see the negative, I choose to be afraid.
But what if I stand in the fog, in my fears and ignore all the negative things that I think? What if I decide that I can put my hand into the fog and take nothing but good things from it? That my imagination now only sees the good, the positive and the love that lives in the fog. That I can put my hand out into the fog and not feel fear, not think of the negative, but take from it the good things that I want and know that the fog is really just a place of  positivity and love. Imagine that. Never again thinking that bad things are in the future that you can’t see. Just imagining the good.
I challenge you to do just that. Imagine you are standing in a field with fog all around you and putting your hand out to the fog, closing your fist around something that you want, pulling it back into your life and knowing in your gut that it is good.  Knowing in your gut that it is positive.  When you allow yourself to see the good and release the negative, then the fog will lift and love will be left.
I wish you joy, peace and a positive future of your own making.


So it”s not going to be possible for me to walk the Appalachian Trail this year.

It would be a lie to say that I’m not disappointed, but here’s the thing, I actually am in a way grateful.

I have never been a patient person (no fake gasps of surprise please), and have secretly always wanted a lesson in patience. I think the time may have come for me to learn to wait.

There are so many things that I have gained by even daring to think about walking the AT and I am grateful for all of them.  The main gain has been this blog and finding out that I love writing.

So I will wait a year and go next March. In the meantime, I’m going to do lots of walking trips (anyone welcome to join me), and learn some things for the trail next year.

Maybe by the time next year rolls around, I will found someone to walk with me.

Remember to Love

The soul is a simple thing, a beautiful thing that sometimes is made of glass.  We get lost, we forget that we are made from God and we forget Love, the most important thing in the world.

How can we possibly forget Love? Yet we do, we forget that we came from Love, that we will return to Love and that our job in the middle is to learn to experience Love, whether we create it, or whether it comes from somewhere else.

When we forget Love our souls feel to us as if they are made of glass and the hammer is waiting to fall.  In those moments we need to remember Love.

When you are walking away from Love, you are walking away from the nature of the universe.  So make a decision to walk towards and accept what Love has to offer.

I see my soul as wings that I wear on my back and in the last little while they have been mostly definitely been made of glass.  I had forgotten about Love, the way it turns the glass into feathers and allows me to fly.